funcommand.com » Funny Jokes http://funcommand.com amazing facts | cool fun | family fun | games on line | hip hop | | jokes | kids online games | picture | quiz | science | vegas Mon, 19 Apr 2010 23:50:58 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.6 en hourly 1 Rules for Male : Rules for Male, Written by Female http://funcommand.com/rules-for-male-rules-for-male-written-by-female-2/ http://funcommand.com/rules-for-male-rules-for-male-written-by-female-2/#comments Sat, 08 Aug 2009 16:24:33 +0000 admin http://funcommand.com/?p=130

1. The Female always makes The Rules.

2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

3. No Male can possibly know all The Rules.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must
immediately change some or all of The Rules.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. If the FEMALE is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a
direct result of something the MALE did or said wrong.

7. (If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the
misunderstanding.)

8. The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.

9. The Male must never change his mind without express written consent
from the Female.

10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female Wants him
to be angry or upset.

12. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether
or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. The Male is expected to mind read at all times.

14. The Male who doesn’t abide by The Rules, can’t take the heat, lacks a
backbone, and is a wimp.

15. Any attempt to document The Rules could result in bodily harm.

16. At no time can the Male make such comments as “Insignificant” and
“Is that all?” when the Female is complaining.

17. If the Female has PMS, all The Rules are null and void!

]]>

1. The Female always makes The Rules.

2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

3. No Male can possibly know all The Rules.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must
immediately change some or all of The Rules.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. If the FEMALE is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a
direct result of something the MALE did or said wrong.

7. (If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the
misunderstanding.)

8. The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.

9. The Male must never change his mind without express written consent
from the Female.

10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female Wants him
to be angry or upset.

12. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether
or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. The Male is expected to mind read at all times.

14. The Male who doesn’t abide by The Rules, can’t take the heat, lacks a
backbone, and is a wimp.

15. Any attempt to document The Rules could result in bodily harm.

16. At no time can the Male make such comments as “Insignificant” and
“Is that all?” when the Female is complaining.

17. If the Female has PMS, all The Rules are null and void!

]]> http://funcommand.com/rules-for-male-rules-for-male-written-by-female-2/feed/ 0 “My wife is expecting” http://funcommand.com/my-wife-is-expecting/ http://funcommand.com/my-wife-is-expecting/#comments Sat, 08 Aug 2009 16:23:11 +0000 admin http://funcommand.com/?p=126

A young private sought permission from his
Commanding Officer to leave camp the following
weekend. “You see,” he explained, “my wife’s expecting.”

“Oh…” said the Officer, “I understand. Go ahead and
tell your wife that I wish her luck.”

The following week the same soldier was back again
with the same explanation: “My wife’s expecting.”

The Officer looked surprised. “Still expecting?” he said,
“Well, well, my boy, you must be pretty bothered.
Of course you can have the week-end off.”

When the same soldier appeared again the third week,
however, the Officer lost his temper. “Don’t tell me your
wife is still expecting!” he bellowed.

“Yes Sir!” said the soldier resolutely, “She’s still expecting.”

“What in heaven is she expecting?” cried the Officer.

“Me.” said the soldier simply.

]]>

A young private sought permission from his
Commanding Officer to leave camp the following
weekend. “You see,” he explained, “my wife’s expecting.”

“Oh…” said the Officer, “I understand. Go ahead and
tell your wife that I wish her luck.”

The following week the same soldier was back again
with the same explanation: “My wife’s expecting.”

The Officer looked surprised. “Still expecting?” he said,
“Well, well, my boy, you must be pretty bothered.
Of course you can have the week-end off.”

When the same soldier appeared again the third week,
however, the Officer lost his temper. “Don’t tell me your
wife is still expecting!” he bellowed.

“Yes Sir!” said the soldier resolutely, “She’s still expecting.”

“What in heaven is she expecting?” cried the Officer.

“Me.” said the soldier simply.

]]> http://funcommand.com/my-wife-is-expecting/feed/ 0 The Most Important Discoveries ( FUNNY HUMOR http://funcommand.com/the-most-important-discoveries-funny-humor/ http://funcommand.com/the-most-important-discoveries-funny-humor/#comments Sat, 08 Aug 2009 16:22:30 +0000 admin http://funcommand.com/?p=123
Man discovered weapons, invented hunting.
Woman discovered hunting, invented furs.

Man discovered colors, invented painting.
Woman discovered painting, invented make-up.

Man discovered speech, invented conversation.
Woman discovered conversation, invented gossip.

Man discovered agriculture, invented food.
Woman discovered food, invented diet.

Man discovered friendship, invented love.
Woman discovered love, invented marriage.

Man discovered trade, invented money.
Woman discovered money, man has never recovered

]]>
Man discovered weapons, invented hunting.
Woman discovered hunting, invented furs.

Man discovered colors, invented painting.
Woman discovered painting, invented make-up.

Man discovered speech, invented conversation.
Woman discovered conversation, invented gossip.

Man discovered agriculture, invented food.
Woman discovered food, invented diet.

Man discovered friendship, invented love.
Woman discovered love, invented marriage.

Man discovered trade, invented money.
Woman discovered money, man has never recovered

]]> http://funcommand.com/the-most-important-discoveries-funny-humor/feed/ 0 Should I have a baby after 35? http://funcommand.com/should-i-have-a-baby-after-35/ http://funcommand.com/should-i-have-a-baby-after-35/#comments Sat, 08 Aug 2009 16:07:35 +0000 admin http://funcommand.com/?p=105 Q: Should I have a baby after 35?

A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?

A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody
that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.

A: So what’s your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right? !

A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?

A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant

Q: Is there any reason
I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?

A: Not unless the word “alimony” means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?

A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?

A: Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week.
When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?

A: When the kids are in college.

]]> Q: Should I have a baby after 35?

A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?

A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody
that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.

A: So what’s your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right? !

A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?

A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant

Q: Is there any reason
I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?

A: Not unless the word “alimony” means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?

A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?

A: Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week.
When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?

A: When the kids are in college.

]]> http://funcommand.com/should-i-have-a-baby-after-35/feed/ 0 Rules for Male : Rules for Male, Written by Female http://funcommand.com/rules-for-male-rules-for-male-written-by-female/ http://funcommand.com/rules-for-male-rules-for-male-written-by-female/#comments Sat, 08 Aug 2009 16:06:27 +0000 admin http://funcommand.com/rules-for-male-rules-for-male-written-by-female/ 1. The Female always makes The Rules.

2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

3. No Male can possibly know all The Rules.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must
immediately change some or all of The Rules.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. If the FEMALE is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a
direct result of something the MALE did or said wrong.

7. (If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the
misunderstanding.)

8. The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.

9. The Male must never change his mind without express written consent
from the Female.

10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female Wants him
to be angry or upset.

12. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether
or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. The Male is expected to mind read at all times.

14. The Male who doesn’t abide by The Rules, can’t take the heat, lacks a
backbone, and is a wimp.

15. Any attempt to document The Rules could result in bodily harm.

16. At no time can the Male make such comments as “Insignificant” and
“Is that all?” when the Female is complaining.

17. If the Female has PMS, all The Rules

]]> 1. The Female always makes The Rules.

2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

3. No Male can possibly know all The Rules.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must
immediately change some or all of The Rules.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. If the FEMALE is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a
direct result of something the MALE did or said wrong.

7. (If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the
misunderstanding.)

8. The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.

9. The Male must never change his mind without express written consent
from the Female.

10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female Wants him
to be angry or upset.

12. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether
or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. The Male is expected to mind read at all times.

14. The Male who doesn’t abide by The Rules, can’t take the heat, lacks a
backbone, and is a wimp.

15. Any attempt to document The Rules could result in bodily harm.

16. At no time can the Male make such comments as “Insignificant” and
“Is that all?” when the Female is complaining.

17. If the Female has PMS, all The Rules

]]> http://funcommand.com/rules-for-male-rules-for-male-written-by-female/feed/ 0 The Most Important Discoveries http://funcommand.com/the-most-important-discoveries/ http://funcommand.com/the-most-important-discoveries/#comments Sat, 08 Aug 2009 15:59:07 +0000 admin http://funcommand.com/?p=87 Man discovered weapons, invented hunting.
Woman discovered hunting, invented furs.

Man discovered colors, invented painting.
Woman discovered painting, invented make-up.

Man discovered speech, invented conversation.
Woman discovered conversation, invented gossip.

Man discovered agriculture, invented food.
Woman discovered food, invented diet.

Man discovered friendship, invented love.
Woman discovered love, invented marriage.

Man discovered trade, invented money.
Woman discovered money, man has never recovered

]]> Man discovered weapons, invented hunting.
Woman discovered hunting, invented furs.

Man discovered colors, invented painting.
Woman discovered painting, invented make-up.

Man discovered speech, invented conversation.
Woman discovered conversation, invented gossip.

Man discovered agriculture, invented food.
Woman discovered food, invented diet.

Man discovered friendship, invented love.
Woman discovered love, invented marriage.

Man discovered trade, invented money.
Woman discovered money, man has never recovered

]]> http://funcommand.com/the-most-important-discoveries/feed/ 0