funcommand.com

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?

A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?

A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody
that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.

A: So what’s your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right? !

A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?

A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant

Q: Is there any reason
I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?

A: Not unless the word “alimony” means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?

A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?

A: Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week.
When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?

A: When the kids are in college.

1. The Female always makes The Rules.

2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

3. No Male can possibly know all The Rules.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must
immediately change some or all of The Rules.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. If the FEMALE is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a
direct result of something the MALE did or said wrong.

7. (If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the
misunderstanding.)

8. The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.

9. The Male must never change his mind without express written consent
from the Female.

10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female Wants him
to be angry or upset.

12. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether
or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. The Male is expected to mind read at all times.

14. The Male who doesn’t abide by The Rules, can’t take the heat, lacks a
backbone, and is a wimp.

15. Any attempt to document The Rules could result in bodily harm.

16. At no time can the Male make such comments as “Insignificant” and
“Is that all?” when the Female is complaining.

17. If the Female has PMS, all The Rules

Man discovered weapons, invented hunting.
Woman discovered hunting, invented furs.

Man discovered colors, invented painting.
Woman discovered painting, invented make-up.

Man discovered speech, invented conversation.
Woman discovered conversation, invented gossip.

Man discovered agriculture, invented food.
Woman discovered food, invented diet.

Man discovered friendship, invented love.
Woman discovered love, invented marriage.

Man discovered trade, invented money.
Woman discovered money, man has never recovered