(via: The Long and Short of it All: A Dachshund Dog News Magazine)

From flickr, by Cameron_Talley

at Halloween Costumes4u

At wiggle-n-waggle

“Well this is a highly trained parrot” the shopkeeper replies. “If you pull the red string he talks in French, if you pull the blue string he talks in English”.

“Wow” exclaims the man shopping that’s really neat “What happens if you pull them both at the same time?”

“I fall off my perch you idiot!” exclaims the parrot.

(via)

The first dog says, “well, my mother was a cocker spaniel and my father was a poodle, so I’m a Cockapoo. We’re very trendy.”

The second dog puts his nose in the air and says, “Well, that’s nice. Personally, my father was a purebred pug and my mother was an award-winning beagle, making me a Puggle. We’re the latest thing in L.A.”

The third dog looks very uncomfortable and starts trying to change the subject. “Come on, just tell us,” the other dogs keep saying. Finally, he gives in.

“Well, my father was a Bull Terrier and my mother was a Shi Tzu…”

One Saturday night the cock rooster was missing and the priest suspected that it was because cock fights were being held in the village. So he decided to do something about it at church the next morning.

At Mass, he asked the congregation, “Has anybody got a cock?” All the men stood up.

“No, No,” he said, “that wasn’t what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?” All the women stood up.

“No, No,” he said, “that wasn’t what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn’t belong to them?” Half the women stood up.

“No, No,” he said, “that wasn’t what I meant. Has anybody seen my cock?” All the alter boys stood up.

Lo and behold, that horse — a very long shot — won the race.

Before the following race, the Priest blessed yet another horse. Mitch made a beeline for the window, and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race.

Mitch collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest would bless for the 6th race. The priest showed, blessed a horse, Mitch bet a large amount of money on it, and it won!

True to his pattern, the priest stepped out onto the track before the last race and blessed the forehead, eyes, ears, and hooves of one of the horses.

Mitch bet every cent he had, including his life savings and the deed to his house. Mitch then watched the horse come in dead last. He was dumbfounded.

He made his way to the track, and when he found the priest, he demanded, “What happened, Father? All day long you blessed horses and they won. The last race, you blessed a horse and he lost. Now, thanks to you, I’ve lost all my savings!”

The priest nodded wisely and said, “That’s the problem with Protestants — you can’t tell the difference between a simple blessing and the Last Rites!