So this guy goes into a pet store and sees a beautiful parrot but it has a blue string handing from one foot and a red one from the other. He thinks this is a little strange so he asks the shopkeeper what the strings are for.
“Well this is a highly trained parrot” the shopkeeper replies. “If you pull the red string he talks in French, if you pull the blue string he talks in English”.
“Wow” exclaims the man shopping that’s really neat “What happens if you pull them both at the same time?”
“I fall off my perch you idiot!” exclaims the parrot.
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In a dog park in a very chic Manhattan neighborhood, three dogs get together to chat, and the subject of what breed they are comes up.
The first dog says, “well, my mother was a cocker spaniel and my father was a poodle, so I’m a Cockapoo. We’re very trendy.”
The second dog puts his nose in the air and says, “Well, that’s nice. Personally, my father was a purebred pug and my mother was an award-winning beagle, making me a Puggle. We’re the latest thing in L.A.”
The third dog looks very uncomfortable and starts trying to change the subject. “Come on, just tell us,” the other dogs keep saying. Finally, he gives in.
“Well, my father was a Bull Terrier and my mother was a Shi Tzu…”
The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens he kept in the hen house out the back of the parish rectory. He had a cock rooster and about ten hens.
One Saturday night the cock rooster was missing and the priest suspected that it was because cock fights were being held in the village. So he decided to do something about it at church the next morning.
At Mass, he asked the congregation, “Has anybody got a cock?” All the men stood up.
“No, No,” he said, “that wasn’t what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?” All the women stood up.
“No, No,” he said, “that wasn’t what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn’t belong to them?” Half the women stood up.
“No, No,” he said, “that wasn’t what I meant. Has anybody seen my cock?” All the alter boys stood up.